It's not our successes that define us. That's society's definition.
What defines us is failure. Or should I say, failure refines us.
It sounds so easy to say 'there is no success without failure'. What does that mean, really, in our lives?
Failure tells you what you are doing wrong.
In relationships.
In communication.
In business.
In marketing.
In influencing.
In sales.
In presentations.
In health.
In sports.
In baking.
In cooking.
In singing.
In dancing.
In art.
In love.
Failure in each of these triggers a motivation to do better, to find out what we did wrong, and improve the next time. Success does not. Success tells you what you're doing right, but not what to avoid. You only find that out with failure. And that's a more valuable lesson.
The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried. - Stephen McCranie
This might be a hard pill to swallow for you if your life has always been smooth-sailing (how do you do that? You're probably not taking enough risks in pursuing what really matters to you!).
I'm learning too. I struggle with this too.
In a society where you are born and bred to covet success, embracing failure probably isn't second nature to you. You're afraid to think, that maybe you might fail. Maybe there's something you're not doing right.
It takes courage to admit that you failed because you did something wrong. Only people with character strength can do that. Only people strong enough to take responsibility can grow from their mistakes.
Running away from failures or pointing fingers at someone else only shows your own weakness and inability to take responsibility for your actions that contributed to the failure.
Just to remove any notions of coming across as 'holier than thou' - I've failed many times before.
I failed in a 6.5 year relationship because I didn't understand generosity and selflessness.
I failed in a second one because I didn't ground myself enough to realise that interdependence is much more valuable than independence, actions mean a lot more than flowery words, and looks only say so much about a person's character.
I failed at tasks I was trusted to carry out at work because I didn't know how to be more proactive in seeking help, learning on my own, or providing solutions.
I failed at communicating well to the people I love, encouraging distrust in me and defensiveness, because I didn't know how to let them know my needs lovingly and non-judgmentally.
I failed in my cakes because I didn't know how to gauge the proportion of ingredients well enough.
I failed at athletic events because I was too overwhelmed with my own fears of inadequacy and concerns with how I'll look in front of an audience (still do).
I failed at being honest about my feelings because I feared judgment from other people.
And I've not fully overcome these failures. Still a work in progress.
What about you?