I have a love-hate relationship with competition.
Like many of us in Singapore, I grew up immersed in social comparison. From the moment you are born, you hear comments about who you are compared to your siblings. When you enter school, you are told how you ranked in class compared to your classmates. When you play sports or games, there is always a winner and loser. When you go to university, your grades are determined by bell curves, which again means competition with others in the level. When you work, you are grouped into teams to hit the highest target so the winning team gets the incentive. Your performance bonus depends on how you did compared to others.
Competition is not a 'bad' thing per se. Some people thrive on it. Competing creates this desire to be better, do better. And for that you train harder and push our limits. That's why I love competing.
Competition becomes a problem when you find yourself in situations where you can be directly compared to other people. This is especially so in a learning context, when you are still trying to get your head around a new skill, or way of doing things. You are not competent, you have little confidence to do it well. In these situations the fear of inadequacy is shouting in your mind and you might feel self-conscious about how you are doing. That's why I hate competing.
What are we focusing on?
Competition can be a problem if the focus is wrong. In competitive achievement settings, you can either be focused on your ego, or on the task.
Focusing on your ego means that you care more about your performance relative to others. You want to be better than others, do better than others. You want to avoid being worse than others. You don't want to embarrass yourself.
Focusing on the task means that yoiu care more about mastering the task or skill. You want to learn as much as you can. You want to do it well. You want to be better than how you did previously. You don't want to do a mediocre job. You want to put in your best.
Which one is more ideal?
Mastery > Performance
Research shows that when you focus on mastery of the task, chances are, you will experience higher enjoyment. You will also perform better as a result. But when you focus on your ego, you become more concerned with how others perceive you than with doing the task well - and you also are less likely to enjoy the task or do well in it.
I can already hear some people protesting - But having the desire to do better than others motivates me! I thrive on competition. It drives me to push my limits!
You're right - there is another layer to what you want to achieve in competitive settings.
If you are driven to do better than others, you have a performance-approach orientation.
If you are driven NOT to do worse than others, you have a performance-avoidance orientation.
If you are driven to master the task the best you can, you have a mastery-approach orientation.
if you are driven NOT to miss out on learning the best you can, you have a mastery-avoidance orientation.
Which orientation do you think brings you the most misery?
Which orientation do you think allows you to perform your best?
Approach > Avoidance
Generally speaking, if you focus on not doing worse than others, you'll be miserable and full of anxiety worrying about other people and what they think of you. (performance-avoidance)
But, if you focus solely on you doing your best, you're going to put all your energies into the task and not care very much about what others think. Very likely, you're going to achieve much more. (mastery-approach)
The research is less clear on the other two orientations. From my own experience, being mastery-avoidant and performance-approach are equally motivating.
The Bigger Picture
So what about knowing all these research on achievement goals? How can you apply it to your life?
- See comparisions as opportunities to improve yourself, not to win other people.
Even winners are not perfect. Why do people choose to compete repeatedly in the same race, or in other races?
We have in us a strong desire to improve ourselves and to do better than what we've done before. Let that be your focus.
- Worry less about what others think.
What difference do their opinions make on your life? The energy you spend being concerned about what others think is better spent on honing your talent and craft.
The only time to care about what others think is when you want constructive feedback on how you can improve - look for people who can provide that.
This article takes reference from the Achievement Goal Theory by psychologist Nicholls (1989).