If you have 11 minutes to spare, watch this video by Dr. Mike Evans on stress management:
If we asked "What is the one negative thing in life that you constantly have to deal with?", most people will respond: stress.
We tend to focus on how stress is negative, and that's understandable given that it's a precursor to many physical and psychological illnesses. But stress can be positive when it gears people towards better performance in sport, or at work, or even to care for others (a shout out here to all mothers who have children). THe question then is how we can shift our mindsets to look at stress in a different manner.
4 Ways to Reframe Stress
1. Change YOUR Thinking Style
Stress passes through that 2-pound piece of tissue on top of your face called your brain. Many people think "Aw man the rain ruined my plans for the day" or "He/She's driving me crazy" - and see stress as something that happens to us, poor helpless human beings.
The fact of the matter is stress does not happen to us. We create the stress in our brains. It is our thinking that brings the stress we experience.
I love that concept.
So what if there is rain? It may have prevented our original plans, but it also creates an opportunity for us to rest at home, for reading a book while having hot chocolate while curled up under the duvet. That is entirely awesome, in my humble opinion.
So what if a colleague/friend says or does something that we don't agree with? Their behaviour is entirely separate from our well-being. Our disagreement of their behaviour does not have to negatively affect our state of mind in that moment. Choosing to respond constructively empowers us with the ability to have healthy responses to adversity and stressful triggers. I'd love to know how to do that.
The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.
- William James, a behaviourial psychologist
2. Mindfulness Techniques
Mindfulness is the non-judgmental awareness of your mood, behaviours, and thoughts in the moment when they are occurring.
A clinical trial by Dr Zindel Segal at the University of Toronto on patients who experienced remission of their illnesses showed that mindfulness-based therapy was as effective as medications.
What exactly is mindfulness? It is really just directing your attention to your inner experiences. Increased self-awareness, breathing, muscle relaxation, meditation, acceptance, and letting go of thoughts.
The purpose is not to change your thoughts or to be free of worries, but to be aware of the space Victor Frankl spoke about:
Between stimulus and response, there is a space in which we have the freedom to choose.
- Victor Frankl, a psychiatrist and Jewish prisoner in the Nazi camps
Does this really work? I can attest to it, after going through a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course by Emerge Performance. I find myself noticing my emotions and body sensations more - if I feel upset by someone else and start thinking negatively about them, I notice that I end up observing my thoughts as a third party - "I'm making judgments about him. I'm upset by what he did. And it is okay, because I had invested my emotions then." It helps me accept myself and the party in question, and let go of my negativity.
3. Attitude and Outlook on Life
People who do better in times of upheaval are generally aware of the big picture. Taking a global outlook on the events in our lives can help to put things into perspective.
Dr Suzanne Kobasa from the University of Chicago was interested to find out who coped well in the MaBell Telephone Company shutdown in the 1980s - she found out that people who coped the best had the following:
- Commitment to different aspects of life - family, friends, hobbies
- Control flexibility. The ability to let go of control and adapt, feel competent in what they can/cannot control
- Seeing change as a stepping stone, not a stumbling block. Things happen for a reason and change is an opportunity for better things.
4. Write a Stress Story
Writing gives coherence to our thoughts and feelings about the stressful event, even if we are terribily confused and upset. Describe the event from your point of view. Use descriptive statements (He said " ") instead of evaluative statements (He's so insensitive). One of the popular methods for dealing with difficult interactions is to write a letter to the person in particular about your feelings, and then not posting the letter.
Life brings many challenges. There's no avoiding it. But it is our thoughts and attitudes that determine the stress we experience - not your parents, your boss, your friends, or your situation. Take the 90-10 rule: 10% of how we do in life is based on what happens to us. 90% is based on how we respond. You'll find that you are so much more empowered to handle the stressors in life.